Wee lead slippers

A classic Scottish picnic

Aye, the camping in Mallaig was a washout. Not that we even got the car started to get there. Poor Gerry and co's tent was washed away in a hurricane and they barely escaped with their lives

A slight exaggeration but nearly true. They got wet and and had a poor night's sleep. We had to content ourselves with a picnic in St Andrews. It was a classic. Drive all the way there. Have a wee bit of a snack, feed the giraffe and go to the cafe. But just as you buy the chips, the rain starts so it's a picnic in the car and a drive home.

Still, today was lovely and sunny. The kind of day when you get the wellies on the monkey and head off for a day of sheeps, goats, llamas, chickens and pigs at the East Links Family Park cum zoo, pet shop and train ride in Dunbar. Still, they could do without The Happy Gang on the train. Happy my arse. Psychotic f***ing weirdo lunatics. Sing along with me.

If you're unhappy and you know it
Put on a smile and pretend
If you're unhappy and you know it ... (repeat until the off licence opens)

Blog on the move

Software, software, software

I mean what's the problem with putting a bit of text and the odd photie on the interweb? Whatever it is iBlog struggles. So now it's going to be hosted by Typepad, which for a small fee gives you nice things like comments and things. Feel free to comment. I can just delete them if I don't think you're funny enough.

WANT THAT ONE!

His Andy impersonation's fantastic, don't you think?

On yer bike!

Young Bob's got out of his pram and taken to two wheels instead

Aye, a regular Lance Armstrong, with the cycling and pasta-munching. Though I don't think Lance takes his stuffed tiger on the road with him. But he does do his own pedalling, unlike our boy. Unfortunately for me, Bob's two wheels are firmly attached to my two wheels and he doesn't do any work at all. Between him and the trailer that's an extra three stone for me to haul around! As if I don't have enough extra weight to drag.

Mandy's taken to the cycling too and sports a fine melon-head helmet. Aye, those cycle paths can be awfully dangerous, especially the smooth empty tarmacadammed ones around the historic village of Culross here in the ancient kingdom of Fife. And you'll notice there's no wee boys hanging off the back of her bike! Still, there's a fine pub just off the cycle track where a nice pint can be enjoyed. That's what I like about cycling - get as drunk as you like and still cycle home! And environmentally friendly too.

Democracy: forward not back

Aye, it's a fine feeling to make your democratic voice heard, even if you can only say three words and aren't allowed to vote

Seeing as it's election day we thought we'd encourage a sense of civic pride and democratic participation in the wee boy by letting young Ewan join us in exercising our periodic right to take a small, blunt 2B pencil and, stretching its string to its fullest extent, make our big illiterate X beside the least worst candidate on the ballot paper. You could see the pride on his face. It's a hard-won privilege that the working masses have only enjoyed for only a few years but unfortunately Ewan wasn't allowed to use a pencil on a ballot paper or even to drop the folded paper into the box.